i haven't changed

Over the last two years it has been a bit difficult to keep up with everything, and a lot of what "everything" boils down to is, relationships. Whether it is between families, partner, or friends, once a kid is in the picture, things change.

But is it really you that changes? No, I don't think so!
I haven't lost touch with friends, nobody calls me and thinks I'm busy all the time! Yes, life is hectic and I can't really chat but still reach out with a text! When we finally do go out with friends so much of what I hear is "oh we don't see you anymore!" "you're leaving so soon?" "can't you just find a babysitter?!", to which I answer, yeah I know, yeah we are, and no, no we can't! My all time {favorite} thing I hear out of non-parental mouths is "you guys have changed so much!" Uh ... excuse me!? No, we as individual people with interests, likes, and hobbies have not! What has changed is the time (and money) spent on such things! Seriously, our life is a pie chart that had the wedges shifted around, that's all! 
I really don't understand how someone can say such a thing and not see the entire big picture of what is going on. I don't mean knowing all the details of what happens in our day to day, but you can not be so utterly blind to the fact that adding a little human to the mix, shifts priorities! Family sees it and understands it and works around it, our relationship together has it's ups and downs and not so fabulous sides that have shifted from our dating days, but for some reason most friends just don't get it!

Even when I was single and older friends started having kids, I accommodated and came over with wine or planned an event with time constants in mind for them, and never said "why don't you want to do shots, what happened to my fun drinking buddy!" because even though I missed those good old days with them, that right there, sounds stupid and rude!

So, let's take a look at this pie chart, shall we. Daydreams of little babies and decorating the nursery and lists of names has a tiny sliver that took up my time way back when. This was also a time of apartment living and spending days off work at the pool, so no real household responsibilities. Nights were spent out at bars with these friends or at the movies and late night dinners, time to myself and focus on work projects was abundant! Holidays were a bit more extravagant and surprising my husband with some pretty cool birthday gifts was a project to work on for a couple weeks. Now a days, not so much on any of the above mentioned ... and I can only imagine that once both kids are in school and find their own interests and hobbies, more shifting will occur! I know that this is me, but I would think there are others out there that have these self-centered friends who just need to be shaken awake and take a look at this chart.

Sad to say, some of these friends have lost touch, but others we try to make an effort with. When you shift and friends can't get with the flow, it's a disheartening moment. I wish the best for them and keep open to invites but have stepped back from reaching out to them, I just don't have the energy for it anymore. But those who remember us and make an effort will always be friends ... they just have to post an invite a month ahead of time so I can find a babysitter!

I'D RATHER HAVE 4 QUARTERS THAN 100 PENNIES

xo